Life Happens

you wake up one day expecting to have the best day of your life as always. This being your morning mantra “Today will be a good day” you look at your calendar and is not as eventful as it normally is. But let’s back it up some hours to last nights last around 10 pm when you noticed that everyone ate all of dinner and you had nothing left for your lunch or your husbands. What do you do next, well easy you go into wife/mom mode and you start scrambling around the kitchen to cook. Get some fish fillets defrost them while that defrosting you turn. The stove on and make some rice, peel some potatoes and cube them up, season and into the air fryer. Let’s not forget that fish, quick and easy seasoning and into a skillet it goes a squirt of lime on top and done. Well, great lunch and girls dinner is done (because they get home before we do)

Now clean the kitchen and give the food sometime to cool down while we shower and start going around the house making sure all the girls are really going to sleep and not still on the phone or with the tv. While we do the bed routing we of course forget about the food we just cooked for lunch haha yes that’s right forgotten and we go to sleep. Come 5 am and you hear an alarm far far away somewhere; hubby’s alarm went off you are still dosed off but your brain is awakening “did I serve him lunch” “did I prep the coffee to brew” wake up wake up Beatriz wake up you didn’t prep the stuff because it was to hot get up get up ha ha ha!! Let’s keep in mind that this kind men does not give a shuggarsbubble about lunch or coffee, he can go without it and be fine; yet here is my brain waking me up because I didn’t do it as planned last night.

Well that’s done and dealt with let’s get another 30 minutes in bed before my alarm goes off. Do our morning routine all smooth sealing its going to be a great day, get to the office and work work work look up from your computer and it’s 3pm still have 2.5 hrs to go, we got this almost there. Comes 3:30pm and your phone goes off Appointment at 4:30pm with your child’s therapist can’t miss it we need to talk about anxiety pills. OK!!! Runnnn Beatriz you need to finish invoices and are 38 mins away from home. All set and done text to daughter sent to be ready traffic on my side and we make it right in time 🙂 we call the office because it was a tele health no answer, we try again and nothing so I decide to leave a voicemail just in case, finally get through at 4:55pm guess what, sorry we don’t see you here doctor has cancel the appointment (WHAT steam coming out my ears) this is the third appointment that has been postponed or cancelled by the office without previous noticed. Pissed is an understatement and I turn to explain to my daughter that yet again she will not be able to talk to anyone. Here it comes, yes, if you have a neurodivergent child you know, complete explosion the breakdown of why a planned meeting did not happen if she did everything that was asked of her?

It takes a lot from you as a mom to know that even though you are beyond upset because of what just happened and even more mad because you know what this last minute drastic change will cause in your daughters state and all the emotions, questions, and concerns that will rise out of this minimal unpredictable change. What could have been a simple “ok mom” cool, lets go home or let’s eat ice cream turns into, but why? We called on time, she didn’t answer. Why can she just answer. Now? Am never going to be able to talk this out, I can’t deal with school mom, I don’t want to go tomorrow, can we just call her back? Am not going to understand anything, am not gonna make it to high school.

A house with a neurodivergent child NOTHING is easy, everything becomes a long stretched task. A neurodivergent child gets tired, drained from just thinking of all the people that are going to be around her if she goes with you to the dollar store to get that one chocolate she wants to get. A neurodivergent child is seen as disrespectful because some of them have no filter and only speak “facts”. They will be describe as unresponsive or slow and its not because they did not hear you its because they have already responded in their mind they are already thinking about what they think you are probably going to ask of them. She/he will scream at you and the minute you say your voice your screaming they will do one of two thing “no am not” in the same voice tone or they will jump into screaming and say this is screaming I wasn’t screaming. They get so exited or so into what they are saying or what’s the first time answer to you and her third time answering you two in her brain and the one that actually made it out of her mouth.

So the next time you are going to point a finger at a parent because of how their child is acting, let’s step back and rethink that. If it will hurt, judge anyone keep it to yourself. Ask yourself is what you are going to voice out help anyone? Is it going to change the outcome in the next 10 seconds? If not again let’s keep it to yourself. What might seem like something minuscular to you might be a huge step to someone else. We don’t know how someone’s day has gone or how they are truly feeling or the struggle or inner fight they are going through in order to be exactly where they are. Sometimes your biggest struggles are caused by your own inner self, brain or conscious.

With love and respect,

Beatriz

Whether you are a single mom or a single dad or even if you are a mixed house or blended house I should say, so we all keep our stremidies intact lol or both parents in the house. We all believe we are doing it right, but little do we know what the definition of right is. “RIGHT” for you might be very different than “RIGHT” for me or someone else. The fact is that we all as humans do one of two things. We either end up doing exactly what our parents or guardians did to us or we make sure we do exactly the opposite.

Now, the point of this is because our mind is wired and set that way to continue or repeat the cycle of life. We do have some that have flown away from this or at least tried to form their own guide or are trying with all their might to brake that cycle. I like to think that I belong to that bunch, the “Rebel Bunch” haha, if we want to name it, because why not now-a-days we have names and labels for everything and anything. Now, now, don’t eat me alive that will be a subject for another time.

I don’t know who else is in the same boat as me, but I definitely do not want to repeat my parents mistakes and at the same time I don’t fully believe in gentle parenting. I just don’t think it’s for every child in this world. There is a saying “In order for the world to be “The World” we need diversity and people of all kinds, believes and sizes”. How boring would this world be if we all loved the same, looked the same, acted the same, or even spoke the same way. Let’s remember that we don’t have to agree with each other, we just have to have the respect or maturity to respect one another.

I am a mom of three beautiful girls and by all means they are far from perfect haha very far. Now for all the youngsters or does not in parenthood station yet, lets clear up the million dollar question; do I love them the same no, do I love one more than another no, do I treat them the same GOD NO hahahaha, do I implement the same parenting style or rules, nope. Sorry to burst some of your bubbles, but the truth is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to use the same techniques, rules, teaching styles or even punishments. A

ll three of them came out of the same mix (same mom and dad), now lets keep in mind that according to science all humans need 46 chromosomes to be develop into humans. These are broken down into heaven half’s 23 come from mom and 23 come from the dad, following so far, sooooo even if you are a little human coming out of these same two humans with 46 chromosomes each that means that 92 chromosomes will go into the dance floor and you will come out with 46, meaning a whole lot of different equations can be formed and none of them would look, act, feel, process or develop the same way. This is just a very long way of telling you WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT!!! I will. Be relating experiences, adventures, tortures, and numerous different situations some from me and my girls, some from friends and other family members. It could be something we are going through, or something that could have happened or a story from one of my girls friends. Obviously I will not telling you the protagonist names or specific details because we want to keep the privacy and let’s say a little suspense :).

The purpose of this blog is for me to bent, for different. Senecrious to be brought to light in hopes that it might shine some light into your situation or at least maybe make you understand someone else’s perspective or view as to why they, he or she acted that way or responded which ever way to whichever situation. As mentioned before my daughters are far from perfect and so is my parenting skills, we are all learning and growing. together. I can tell you this I have one diagnosed with ADHD, generalized anxiety and I believe in the spectrum but not diagnosed yet. Another one that feels neglected, do to all the extra attention that the neurodivergent child needs and gets and I have my little one that still seeks for attention and we in the house are to tired sometimes to give and she lashes out or misbehaves sometimes just to make herself seen and heard while. Also having some underlining behavioral problems herself.

It is beyond tiring and difficult at times requiring lots of patience and breathing exercises. Never forgetting that they look up to you to me to mom and dad and they will follow more what you do than what you say. Leading by example is not the only way, but most of the time it’s the best way. Especially for the neurodivergent kids that don’t see a gray area they see facts, white and black. No deviation, no adjustment, no excuses, thought sometime if not most of the time does adjustments or deviations are mainly made to adjust them. I hope you enjoy my post and can get some closure, easy or relieve from my experiences and maybe even learn from my mistakes.

With love and respect always,

Beatriz

Life Happens

When Life Happens

Parenting